MOVIE REVIEW: "THE INCREDIBLE HULK"
MOVIE REVIEW: "THE INCREDIBLE HULK"art and review by Phillip Seahorn
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt, Christina Cabot
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Produced by: Ari Arad, Michael Helfant, Stan Lee
Fuck it, some superhero characters just can't translate into movies.
Case in point: "The Incredible Hulk".
Rarely have I seen a movie franchise get a re-launch in a five year period.
Re-launches just don't work.
Another case in point:"Batman Begins".
Just a fucking boring movie.
With "Hulk", Ang Lee fucked it up sufficiently the first time in the telling of the "Hulk" saga on the big screen, in the "real" world.
For some strange, coke induced reason, Hollywood felt that a foreign director, from one of the cultures that is LIGHT YEARS different from this culture, had the skills to tell the story of a very American superhero.
Didn't take a rocket scientist to see where THAT was going.
Jump ahead five years, and we get this new "Hulk" version, very Americanized and updated with the latest CGI technology.
AND IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS.
Despite ol' Ed "I'm An Artist" Norton's contribution and reworking of the script, this piece of shit stole two hours of my time, when I was psyched up to get back on the ol' "yeah, finally, a GOOD version of the Hulk onscreen" bandwagon.
What I got was a fucking soap box derby.
Look, Hollywood, PLEASE,PLEASE PLEASE stop putting fucking LOVE STORIES as the basis of fucking COMIC BOOK MOVIES!!!!!!!!
Nobody gives a fuck about Bruce Banner, this ain't the fucking '70's and Norton is no fucking Bill Bixby (and the CGI Hulk is no fucking Lou Ferigno!)
They even took the music from the fucking 70's television show and put it into the movie, for God's sake.
If I wanted to see a episode of the old Hulk television show, I would have rented one.
If I wanted to go see an "Ed Norton" movie, then I would have rented "Fight Club".
Although the new Hulk looks better, there is still the element of this:
What do you want, a realistic comic book movie, or a comic book movie with a little realism in it?
That is what plagues the Hulk franchise.
The movie is realistic up to the end of the the second act, with CGI thrown in.
The final act of the movie may just as well been a seperate, CGI movie.
Who the fuck would launch an all out helicopter firefight, with rounds of MISSLES being shot off in the middle of a fucking city?
All those shots being fired at the Hulk, over ROOFTOPS IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK, had to have ended up SOMEWHERE.
I'm guessing through the head of some unsuspecting New Yorker who was unfortunate enough to be either home or at work when the Hulk goes running over rooftops as a Army helicopter opens up on his big green ass.
I've heard of 'collateral damage' but COME ON!!!!!!
And Hollywood, with all that money to spend on special effects, STILL can't get the CGI artists to fucking LIGHTEN UP THE FUCKING CGI!
There were shots in the final scenes of the fight between the Hulk and the Abomination that were just to dark to make out.
Props, however, to the CGI in the middle of the film of the Hulk in a running battle in the day time with soldiers.
Very detailed and photo realistic enough to buy a ten foot tall green man in purple pants running around throwing jeeps and shit.
But the relationship between Banner and Betty Ross?
WHO. GIVES. A. FUCK.
I just wanted to see the Hulk fuck up shit and people, and not necessarily in that order.
What I got was a love story with a big green motherfucker showing up at all the wrong times.
Like when I chose to go see this piece of shit.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:"Hulk SMASH movie!""Plus,Hulk can't spell!"
posted by PHILLIP SEAHORN @ 9:07 AM
<< Home