MOVIE REVIEW FOR: "CASINO ROYALE"
MOVIE REVIEW FOR:"CASINO ROYALE"
review and art by Phillip Seahorn
I really dislike movie "relaunches".And I REALLY hate it when they mess with fucking classics in movie franchises.
Hell, I can't even call the "Bond" movies classics.
THEY ARE LEGEND.
And you just don't fuck with legends.
I remember that the only movie franchise that I know that has fans of all races in just about every fucking country in the world is the "Bond" franchise.Bond, next to "Captain Kirk", is a fucking worldwide pop icon.
WORLDWIDE!
So, you don't fucking RELAUNCH it!
I don't care if this was the first "Bond" novel.And you just don't , I guses for shits and grins, change the PHYSICAL look of a character.They tried the "blonde Bond" with Roger Moore, which was shit (but I still watched them because they were" Bond "movies).
Daniel Craig just does not work as "Bond".The physical discrepancies are just to obvious.All I thought was, when I watched this new Bond movie, is "when is Bond gonna take off that fucking blonde guy disguise" and the real Bond shows up.
Look, Sean Connery typecast the character.Tall, with black hair.Next to Connery, only Brosnan picked up the mantle and ran with it.
This piece of shit ( a LONG peice of shit at over two hours) was basically a movie with "Bond" characters in it.
IT WAS NOT A FUCKING "BOND" MOVIE!!!!!!
I don't know why all the positive hoopla is being kicked up about this piece of shit.
No, Daniel Craig is NOT the new "Bond".
No, this was NOT a "Bond" movie.
No, this does not deserve the praise for the actor NOR the movie.
Yes, this will kill the franchise after the second movie.
The thing is, I think people needed to believe.And the new "Bond" movie , like the franchise, was something that after the 39 years that I have been watching them, was, at worst, a good movie.
This new piece of shit revolved around two hours of watching motherfuckers PLAY CARDS.
I am not joking.So, if you like "Poker with the Stars", then this is the shit.
Now, as in any "Bond" movie, the photography and locales are always the best in the business.
But the movie did not start out like a regular "Bond" movie.The relationship between Bond and "M" was strangely ( and disturbingly) almost Odeipian in nature.
No fucking gadgets or incredible villians.Well, the bad guyDID fit the typical "Bond" villian, which are always either unusual looking or is unusual in some way to mark them as only being the type of villians that could appear in a "Bond" movie.
I watched this movie twice so I could see if it would be better the second time I watched it.But, it was shit the first time, and even shittier the second time.
I would have went with a unknown to give it a new ,fresh start.They only went with Daniel Craig because some motherucker in "Marketing" told them that they could guarantee asses in seats if they did a "controversial", against type, Bond.
Well, it worked, because I'm writing this (my first) completely negative movie review.I was highly dissapointed.But, the "Bond" people got scared, and after 40 years of a winning franchise,I guess they just couldn't take the chance that a new Bond film would fail.
Well, it did.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER: "C" for overall excellent production
review and art by Phillip Seahorn
| Starring: | Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Mads Mikkelsen, Eva Green and Jeffrey Wright |
| Directed by: | Martin Campbell |
I really dislike movie "relaunches".And I REALLY hate it when they mess with fucking classics in movie franchises.
Hell, I can't even call the "Bond" movies classics.
THEY ARE LEGEND.
And you just don't fuck with legends.
I remember that the only movie franchise that I know that has fans of all races in just about every fucking country in the world is the "Bond" franchise.Bond, next to "Captain Kirk", is a fucking worldwide pop icon.
WORLDWIDE!
So, you don't fucking RELAUNCH it!
I don't care if this was the first "Bond" novel.And you just don't , I guses for shits and grins, change the PHYSICAL look of a character.They tried the "blonde Bond" with Roger Moore, which was shit (but I still watched them because they were" Bond "movies).
Daniel Craig just does not work as "Bond".The physical discrepancies are just to obvious.All I thought was, when I watched this new Bond movie, is "when is Bond gonna take off that fucking blonde guy disguise" and the real Bond shows up.
Look, Sean Connery typecast the character.Tall, with black hair.Next to Connery, only Brosnan picked up the mantle and ran with it.
This piece of shit ( a LONG peice of shit at over two hours) was basically a movie with "Bond" characters in it.
IT WAS NOT A FUCKING "BOND" MOVIE!!!!!!
I don't know why all the positive hoopla is being kicked up about this piece of shit.
No, Daniel Craig is NOT the new "Bond".
No, this was NOT a "Bond" movie.
No, this does not deserve the praise for the actor NOR the movie.
Yes, this will kill the franchise after the second movie.
The thing is, I think people needed to believe.And the new "Bond" movie , like the franchise, was something that after the 39 years that I have been watching them, was, at worst, a good movie.
This new piece of shit revolved around two hours of watching motherfuckers PLAY CARDS.
I am not joking.So, if you like "Poker with the Stars", then this is the shit.
Now, as in any "Bond" movie, the photography and locales are always the best in the business.
But the movie did not start out like a regular "Bond" movie.The relationship between Bond and "M" was strangely ( and disturbingly) almost Odeipian in nature.
No fucking gadgets or incredible villians.Well, the bad guyDID fit the typical "Bond" villian, which are always either unusual looking or is unusual in some way to mark them as only being the type of villians that could appear in a "Bond" movie.
I watched this movie twice so I could see if it would be better the second time I watched it.But, it was shit the first time, and even shittier the second time.
I would have went with a unknown to give it a new ,fresh start.They only went with Daniel Craig because some motherucker in "Marketing" told them that they could guarantee asses in seats if they did a "controversial", against type, Bond.
Well, it worked, because I'm writing this (my first) completely negative movie review.I was highly dissapointed.But, the "Bond" people got scared, and after 40 years of a winning franchise,I guess they just couldn't take the chance that a new Bond film would fail.
Well, it did.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER: "C" for overall excellent production
posted by PHILLIP SEAHORN @ 5:44 PM
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