MOVIE REVIEW FOR : "SNAKES ON A PLANE"
review and artwork by Phillip Seahorn
BEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER!
Now, this really has nothing to do with the movie itself.It has to do with the PHENOMENA that this movie is the core of.
By now, I don't have to rehash all the shit about the movie that took place WHILE THE MOVIE WAS BEING FILMED.
How this movie became a INSTANT POP CULTURE ICON.Or, how the Internet FINALLY proved how much power it has to make pop culture.Thanks to this movie, the Internet has arrived.
And, for once in a LONG FUCKING TIME (well, not that long, but awhile) a movie LIVED UP TO THE FUCKING HYPE!!!!!!!
This movie is the WORST B MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN.Which INSTANTLY makes this a classic.
This movie sucked on so many levels.The CGI was fucked up and cheap.The acting was straight out of 1980 cable B movie "I don't have shit else to watch".The premise was straight wacked, and the stereotypes were flying all over the place.
AND THAT IS WHAT MADE THIS MOVIE THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN.
It was advertised as a "B" movie.Samuel GENUINELY looked like he was reading his lines from a cue card or prompter.Julianna Margolies looked like she was about to burst out in laughter all thru the movie.Black people were buffoons and dysfunctional rappers.English guy was a complete fucking jack off.And they even had the non-married with baby Hispanic who comes to the rescue of the whitest kid I have seen on screen in a while.Top that off with a hilllbilly, a "evil" Asian, and white people that fuck at the drop of a hat(er, snake) and put this shit in a blender with fake ass ,cheap looking snakes, and you get"SNAKES ON A PLANE".
And ,of course, a phrase that will live in pop culture emphamy, in which you motherfuckers already know what it is.
Great time was had at this movie, and I will be seeing this again and trying to download this shit online.....that is, when it becomes LEGALLY available!Pre-ordered this thru Netflix , also.
Go see this movie, and even take your kids.Seriously.It is not that profane laden, and there is a strong sex scene in the beginning of the movie, and there is graphic violence, but the shit is so damned SILLY that when I saw it, a ten year old kid behind me was laughing so hard he almost threw up.And, to top it all off, they have a music video at the end of the movie!
See it, people, and buy it when it comes out.
THE SEAHORNMOVIEMETER: "B+"
Shatner will be in a game later this year with ALL the other Captains, such as Avery Brooks and Kate Mulgrew.
How about this: why don't all you aged fuckers appear in a fucking MOVIE to save the STAR TREK franchise?
This is a MULTI BILLION dollar franchise that they seem to really be willing to let go out like a punk.
I mean, Matt Damon as a young Captain Kirk?
FUCK THAT.
Shatner is still around!!!Why doesn't that motherucker PUT BACK ON THE FUCKING UNIFORM.PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, Shatner still looks great, for someone almost a hundred years old.Now Nimoy, well , he ain't pretty no mo, and Takai and the others.....well, just get Shatner in uniform again.
I say, if Shatner goes, so goes the empire.
And this shit strikes me as strange that a proven ho in the Hollywood brothel would not be put back on the street.Uh, I mean, not comparing Shatner to a street ho....YOU GET MY POINT.
This is a knee jerk post after reading the Yahoo article (go to the link) on him appearing with the rest of the Star Trek gang.
Shatner,ol boy, put the uniform back on, one last time.
We need you, man.
COMIC BOOK REVIEW FOR: NEW AVENGERS #22 CIVIL WAR
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COMIC BOOK REVIEW FOR : NEW AVENGERS #22 CIVIL WAR
Article by Phillip Seahorn
This “Civil war” thing with Marvel just appeared to me to be Marvel’s version of the “Crisis” thing at DC, which it is, really now ,c’mon.
So, I have been sparingly following this “comic event “bullshit because it is not about us fans, but about the bottom line for said comic companies.
HOWEVER, with this issue, the whole thing gelled for me in this storyline.
Now, you got a black man on the cover of a comic with”Civil War” on the cover, and I’m going to buy it.New Avengers#22 bought it all home.
To me, as a person of color, this was the best comic I have ever read in my life.
Period.
Because a comic book FINALLY, after 40 years of reading comic books, spoke to ME.
The dialog of Luke Cage and Iron Man DEFINED the socio-economic, class system in the U.S., which INSTANTLY bought classism,racism, the history of the United States and it’s relationship between white folks and black folks, rich and poor.The writing made me weep.I am not fucking joking.I wept after reading this issue.
I am not going to reveal ANYTHING about the story.
BUY THE FUCKING ISSUE.
I know this is supposed to be a review, and it is .It is also an endorsement.
From a 45 year old fan.
MOVIE REVIEW FOR : THE DESCENT
art and writing by Phillip Seahorn
Do Brits make far better horror movies now?This movie harkens back to the spate of Hammer vampire movies from the Brits in the late sixties and early seventies."The Descent" seems to be the "new generation" of superb horror flicks from across the pond.
Like "28 Days Later" (which made the vampires RUN to eat your ass) this move redefines monster movies like "28 Days" did for zombies.
" The Descent" covers psychological,horror, gore, and terror in one movie.PLUS, it is a great date movie AND chick flick!
The acting is wooden in some parts, with Natalie Mendoza becoming better as the movie moves along in playing her somewhat "Ripley" role as ass kicker of the movie monsters.
As a ensemble, all female cast, this will open doors.I liked "Alien" because of Sigourney Weaver's portrayal of Ripley.I'm not threatened by a strong, heroic female in a movie.I hope Hollywood follows this trend, and make more movies with female leads in action movies. Mendoza's character in the movie is the most sexiest I have seen.Fellas, she does a thing with her leg in the beginning of the movie that will stay with you after seeing this flick.Trust me.
Mendoza could easily play the "Wonder Woman" role that Hollywood is struggling to cast right now.This woman is like a female Sylvester Stallone.She works out and is a master rock climber.She is smart (well, not EXACTLY like Stallone) and a leader.Hell, she even hints at some bi sexuality!She sells the movie, and she was cast perfectly.
The special effects are the goriest I have seen of late.I actually got a little nauseous in some scenes.
Now, for the chestnut of this film.This is the first vampire/zombie/cannabilism/monster movie I have seen.The Brits excel in combining genres in one movie.
A drawback is the heavy accents of some of the actresses.In other words, I couldn't understand a fucking thing they were saying.Try watching a Brit film sometime.They speak English, but you might as well be French.
This movie was relegated to the small screen, with "Taledega Nights" getting the big screen treatment.And, the movie ranked fifth in box office this past weekend.Maybe word of mouth will boost this movie, but with "Snakes On A Plane"opening this week, it may further push the movie to the foreground.
SEAHORNMOVIEMETER: "B+"
art and writng by Phillip Seahorn
This movie was one of the most bizarre movies I have ever seen.
It is very much like a guy in a suit (that could be from ANY decade) walks up to you,grabs your arm, and DRAGS you into this bizarre world of cops turned drug RUNNERS, not dealers, but much more sophisticated DRUG RUNNERS (where the fuck did two COPS sudenly become DEA James Bond type cats), in which they WALK RIGHT INTO A DRUG LORD CONTROLLED SOUTH AMERICAN TOWN,walk out with a MULTIMILLION DOLLAR DRUG RUNNING DEAL, then one of these guys FUCKS THE DRUG LORD'S:
Wife?
Secretary?
Bitch?
Fellow Drug Lord?
In other words, you don't know WHAT the fuck she is supposed to be, but anyway....
Then the two cops (?) proceed to rip off said drug lords....
This movie insults you at every core of your being.It really does.
Suspension of belief is one thing, this is "Narnia on Crack" type of shit.
I actually sat there five minutes after the movie ended, because I really didn't know where the hell I was, or where I had gone for the last two and a half hours.
This movie is why Hollywood is going down the drain, and why comic book and games are the only last resort for these assholes ( I DIDN'T SAY JEWS) in Hollywood.
Personal observation:
Just gotta say it:Gibson is fucked.If he thinks this shit is publicity , he fucked with the wrong group of people.If they can bomb the shit out of towns in the Middle East, think of what the Jewish community is going to do to his ass HERE.
Back to MIAMI VICE.
Michael Mann must have had one helluva vig to pay, to dream up this shit, and to bypass ANY type of copyright laws to the classic creation of his in the 80's, so as to come up with this, this, shit, I don't even know what to call this shit.
SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:is there anything after "F"?
