MOVIE REVIEW:X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
MOVIE REVIEW: X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
art and review by Phil Seahorn
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Tim Pocock, Troye Sivan, Tahyna Tozzi
Directed by: Gavin Hood
Produced by: Richard Donner, Stan Lee, Lauren Shuler Donner
Well, another anticipated "Summer Blockbuster", and a comic book franchise that has successfully ended itself.
We see Logan in the last "X-Man" movie (X-MEN UNITED) CRYING.
I don't know where all the fucking fan boys were when this new piece of shit showed up, but obviously this new production company of Marvel's is just not listening to the fans OR reading the fucking source material.
And, the ULTIMATE kick in the nuts is that this fucking movie had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PREVIOUS X-MEN MOVIES!!!!
I'm not even going to research the back story to this piece of shit "X-Men Origins:Wolverine",but the finished product is so disjointed and bizarre that...
Okay, first off: WHO IS THE MOTHERFUCKER THAT KEEPS MAKING THE "MOVIE" LOGAN CRY AND DO SHIT, LIKE THE MOTHERFUCKER IS ON THE FUCKING "LIFE TIME" CHANNEL???
Wolverine crying in the last film ,Wolverine living in a cabin (ON THE SIDE OF A FUCKING MOUNTAIN, I AM NOT JOKING),Logan going to work everyday , kissing his fine ass( and she is ,I got to give it up for the actress who plays Wolverine's old lady),
before going off to work AS A MOTEHERFUCKING LUMBERJACK!!!
After laughing my ass off in the first and the beginning of the second acts,it veers into some weird ass thing with this dude that is supposed to be ( I think) The Blob from the comics, but I didn't know what the fuck this had to do with the rhythm of the movie , only that it was supposed to add comic relief.
WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO SEE A FUNNY FUCKING "WOLVERINE" MOVIE?
Again, this was a piece of shit, and many critics are giving this film a "Gentleman's C" because the industry needs a boost , and because the fucking critics (me, included) would be out of jobs if we pan the industry too much.
Which leads me into some parts of this movie that could have made it a "A" movie.
The opening montage of the fighting history of the Creed brothers was excellent.
The movie was shot well, especially the scenes of the Canadian Rockies.But if I wanted "National Geographic", I would have rented one of their fucking videos.
Alright, anyway,the CGI was great,Ryan Reynolds was good (but stay the fuck out of any future movies dealing with comics, thanks),and even Liev Schreiber as Sabretooth sincerely tried to bring a good calibre of acting to the role, but it didn't save the movie .
I tried to sit thru the movie a second time, but walked out at the beginning of the third act.
TO BE FAIR:
Okay, I know this movie was SEVERELY constricted by budget, as it is very, very expensive to make a special effect laden movie, especially a movie dealing with over twenty five characters with special powers that would require special effects.
I calculated in the past that to make a really good movie based on a world full of people with special powers would be in the multiple hundred of millions of dollars, and that would be for the special effects ALONE.
It showed in the cheesy ass "special effects" of the powers for the group of mutants in this "Wolverine" movie.More like effects in television's "Heroes", but even the shit on television's "Heroes" was better than this.
You ain't gonna see a future "Wolverine" movie.And, what fucking marketing genius would put a movie out a week before fucking "Star Trek"?
One guy in the loo at the theatre I went to see this movie put it right on the mark:
"They are really milking this shit".
But who the fuck wants to be the cow?
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:"D"
posted by PHILLIP SEAHORN @ 5:53 PM
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