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MOVIE REVIEW: "THE DARK KNIGHT"
art and review by Phillip Seahorn
STARRING
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman
FUCK IT.
I wept at the end of this movie.
I really did.
I actually sat there at the end of the movie, while everybody finished clapping and started out the movie theatre,I sat there thru the closing credits.
And wept.
I'm one of the thousands of people that,when confronted with true artistic masterpiece, I get emotional.
I get emotional because, after reading and collecting comics for almost HALF A CENTURY, this love of the medium has become a part of my DNA, of sorts.
That love is like the love for my parents and the ones I love deeply in my life.
But this love even transcends that.
It is a true,unconditional respect for the medium and the people who created them.
GOD BLESS THE JEWS!!!!
It was Jewish artists and writers who created this medium for which has become a part of me.
That medium is COMICS.
And what I saw on the movie screen that day I went to see "The Dark Knight" was the final piece of perfection for me.
Bringing the character of "Batman" to life.
THEY FINALLY FUCKING GOT IT RIGHT.
AFTER TWENTY YEARS OF BULLSHIT, THEY FINALLY GOT BATMAN ON FILM RIGHT.
This movie WILL win some type of Oscar, I guarantee it.
It was that fucking good.
Performances:Heath Ledger as "The Joker".
The truly fucked up part about this, is that genius sometimes most assuredly precedes death.
Jimi,Bruce Lee,Belushi,the list goes on and on.
The brightest star burns out quickly, or something like that.
This performance may have killed Ledger, but you see this man bring another comic icon to absolute reality.
Heath Ledger as "THE JOKER".
Not the Jack "look at me, I'm so Hollywood cool that they asked ME to play this role"
Nicholson's version.
I'm talking about making this psychotic motherfucker as real as the sociopath's on the daily news.
I'm talking about bringing "The Joker" to 3-D, bad breath and fucked up teeth REALITY, baby.
Ledger accomplished that.
And for THAT , this man DESERVES A FUCKING OSCAR.
Hell, think up another award akin to "The Medal of Honor" in the military.
Give THAT to him,too.
Ledger gave his LIFE, LITERALLY , for his art.
EVERYONE got off in this movie.
Bales performance,and especially Aaron Eckhart as "Two Face" got off,baby.
Even Maggie Gyllenhaal, who fluctuates between being really hot and looking like a "Tellytubby", gave her best.
EVERYONE SHONE.
Kevin Pierra, on "Attack of the Show" (my television Bible) said that they all gave screen chewing performances.
But the actors ,maybe they somehow KNEW that this movie was going to blow up as it has been doing for two weeks now, gaining the half billion dollar mark.
The movie is , will be, the greatest comic movie made to date, but we still have "Watchmen" next year.
So until then, this movie is the greatest comic book movie ever made , and I WILL be seeing it again, and again.
And I will SINCERELY try not to get emotional.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:"A+"
MOVIE REVIEW:"HELLBOY"
art and review by Phillip Seahorn
Starring: Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Jeffrey Tambor, Doug Jones, Seth MacFarlane
Directed by: Guillermo del Toro
Produced by: Chris Kenny, Lawrence Gordon, Lloyd Levin
I don't quite know WHY I like this franchise, and especially this sequel, but I do.
Maybe it's because of Ron Perlman's handling of the "Hellboy" character.
Maybe it's because of del Toro's production.(However, this motherfucker seems to have VERY SERIOUS father issues and people without eyes issues,plus a hatred for fairies).
But all in all, a very enjoyable continuation of the Hellboy story on the big screen.
Great acting and photography, as well as very witty dialog.
However, it did start channeling "Shrek" in the middle of the movie, deaing with the main character's personal feelings of not wanting to be freaks and be accepted by "normal" people ( and I use "normal" VERY FUCKING LOOSELY).
Good limited use of CGI in favor of costumes and puppetronics.
Adds a far more realistic feel to del Toro's movie, and I can see this as a viable example of how LESS CGI can work in a comic related movie.
A good summer action movie, and check out the beginning scenes of a very young Hellboy.
CGI or puppetronics?
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:"B"
MOVIE REVIEW: "THE INCREDIBLE HULK"
art and review by Phillip Seahorn
Starring: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt, Christina Cabot
Directed by: Louis Leterrier
Produced by: Ari Arad, Michael Helfant, Stan Lee
Fuck it, some superhero characters just can't translate into movies.
Case in point: "The Incredible Hulk".
Rarely have I seen a movie franchise get a re-launch in a five year period.
Re-launches just don't work.
Another case in point:"Batman Begins".
Just a fucking boring movie.
With "Hulk", Ang Lee fucked it up sufficiently the first time in the telling of the "Hulk" saga on the big screen, in the "real" world.
For some strange, coke induced reason, Hollywood felt that a foreign director, from one of the cultures that is LIGHT YEARS different from this culture, had the skills to tell the story of a very American superhero.
Didn't take a rocket scientist to see where THAT was going.
Jump ahead five years, and we get this new "Hulk" version, very Americanized and updated with the latest CGI technology.
AND IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS.
Despite ol' Ed "I'm An Artist" Norton's contribution and reworking of the script, this piece of shit stole two hours of my time, when I was psyched up to get back on the ol' "yeah, finally, a GOOD version of the Hulk onscreen" bandwagon.
What I got was a fucking soap box derby.
Look, Hollywood, PLEASE,PLEASE PLEASE stop putting fucking LOVE STORIES as the basis of fucking COMIC BOOK MOVIES!!!!!!!!
Nobody gives a fuck about Bruce Banner, this ain't the fucking '70's and Norton is no fucking Bill Bixby (and the CGI Hulk is no fucking Lou Ferigno!)
They even took the music from the fucking 70's television show and put it into the movie, for God's sake.
If I wanted to see a episode of the old Hulk television show, I would have rented one.
If I wanted to go see an "Ed Norton" movie, then I would have rented "Fight Club".
Although the new Hulk looks better, there is still the element of this:
What do you want, a realistic comic book movie, or a comic book movie with a little realism in it?
That is what plagues the Hulk franchise.
The movie is realistic up to the end of the the second act, with CGI thrown in.
The final act of the movie may just as well been a seperate, CGI movie.
Who the fuck would launch an all out helicopter firefight, with rounds of MISSLES being shot off in the middle of a fucking city?
All those shots being fired at the Hulk, over ROOFTOPS IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK, had to have ended up SOMEWHERE.
I'm guessing through the head of some unsuspecting New Yorker who was unfortunate enough to be either home or at work when the Hulk goes running over rooftops as a Army helicopter opens up on his big green ass.
I've heard of 'collateral damage' but COME ON!!!!!!
And Hollywood, with all that money to spend on special effects, STILL can't get the CGI artists to fucking LIGHTEN UP THE FUCKING CGI!
There were shots in the final scenes of the fight between the Hulk and the Abomination that were just to dark to make out.
Props, however, to the CGI in the middle of the film of the Hulk in a running battle in the day time with soldiers.
Very detailed and photo realistic enough to buy a ten foot tall green man in purple pants running around throwing jeeps and shit.
But the relationship between Banner and Betty Ross?
WHO. GIVES. A. FUCK.
I just wanted to see the Hulk fuck up shit and people, and not necessarily in that order.
What I got was a love story with a big green motherfucker showing up at all the wrong times.
Like when I chose to go see this piece of shit.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER:"Hulk SMASH movie!""Plus,Hulk can't spell!"
