MOVIE REVIEW FOR "THE BREAKUP"
review and artwork by Phillip Seahorn
When I went to see this movie, some motherfucker actually CLAPPED when I walked out at the end of the movie.
Why?
Because the ending of the movie , if done REALISTICALLY, could have added a lot of weight to this dramedy.
This movie is about two people who share a condo in Chicago (my TRUE home) and are at each other's throat.A relationship like this which is based in reality would have had numerous domestic disturbance calls on these people.
I have had many apartments, and this couple would be the fucking couple who would CONSTANTLY argue ,with me hearing every fucking intimate detail of their lives.
LOUDLY.
Now, these people live in this fancy condo, probably on the Gold Coast.They would have had their asses evicted in no time, with the amount of LOUD arguing these two do in the movie.
But the script is excellent, and the dialog is sharp and fast, with Vaughn's delivery.His rapid talking style, and Chicago accent, lent authenticity to the movie.
But Jennifer Aniston's performance was painful to watch.It just hit too close to home, and this came out in her performance.Not only to be dumped by Brad Pitt, but to find out that he was fucking Angelina ("she was BLOWING Billy Bob Thorton,eeewww") Jolie would be cause for an emergency trip to the hospital after a suicide attempt.
Brad's daughter came from the same place that Thorton's....I can't finish.She's better off without that freak.
Big ups that he's from Missouri:)
Why the fuck would she DO a movie like this?
The supporting actors are excellent, especially the character of Aniston's brother in this movie.
The crowning point of the movie is the scene where Vaughn's character wants Aniston's character's brother to leave in the midst of his singing group's rehersal.This portrays accurately why in most cases, you don't pick a fight with somebody who is nice all the time.Think Barry Manilow and Jet Li merged.
But getting back to the asshole that clapped when I got up and walked out at the end.That person KNEW why I was walking out.
This movie is getting a lot of negative buzz about the cop out ending.As well it should.This movie had the merits of being a first rate, summer worthy movie.It played in the main theatre of Creve Couer Cinema ( a fine establishment), bumping "The X-Men".
They should have kept the mutants in the main theatre.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER: "C+"
MOVIE REVIEW FOR "X-MEN: THE LAST STAND"
review and artwork by Phillip SeahornThis movie sucked.This movie,people, IS NOT A SUPERHERO MOVIE.
It's just a movie.
An "X-Men" movie can't BE "Just a movie".
To do a VERY GOOD comic movie, you have to spend close to a quarter of a billion dollars to make it.That's 250 million for the uneducated motherfuckers out there.And, to make a movie in which EVERY PERSON IN IT HAS A SUPERPOWER, you have to spend some money on the special effects.
This is what makes the third installment in the 40 year mutant saga below par.
Brett Ratner and the production company just didn't have enough money.
This movie is about a war between mutants.As we all know, (that is, those of us who give a shit),
mutants all have some sort of shit that they do that "normal" folks can't.So, you have a movie with a special effects budget that is more than some countries annual GNP for the whole year.
The special effects in this movie are obviously bargain basement.Storm (Halle "I'm a fucking Academy Award winner, and all I get to play are comic book characters") Berry just does shitty wire work (I've seen better in "The Wizard of Oz") and lightning bolts.
Now, I have been reading and drawing and writing comics since I was 6. I held in my tiny kid hand's comics that would have had me lounging on the coast of Belize had I kept the fucking things.Silver Age comics.Back when Adam West was the REAL Batman.So I know my comics.
When the fuck did Storm spin around like a fucking top?
When I saw the trailer of her doing this, I laughed my ass off.When I saw it in the movie, it just pissed me off.
I HAD the first issue of "X-Men Annual #1".I bought it because it had a person of color in it as a superhero.So, I paid a whole helluva lot of attention to Storm.
She doesn't spin like a top.
When will Hollywood stop adding shit or subtracting or changing the sex of an established fictional character with almost a half centry of existence? Those are Marvel Comic characters. Stan Lee is IN the fucking movie, for Christ's sake.Why didn't he put foot to ass on Ratner for allowing the "Storm spinning like a top" shit?
Because it would have cost more money to rightously portray Storm and the other characters.
The whole "X-Men" franchise has survived on one man's ability to tell a story with a movie.
We all know who that person is. And ,we all know that to quit a franchise right when the final chapter of the story should be told is just fucked completely up.
So that person, (who shall remain nameless) has to understand a "former"fan's wrath.Let's just see if the new project for the aforementioned person will keep his rep up.
Because if THAT movie bombs, I think this person may have to be a "SINGER of his last swansong".
C'mon, I had to go for it.Fuck you if you didn't get, or IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT.
I'm pissed.I waited for this movie and saw it FOUR times already.I wanted to be fair in my review.
The movie sucks.
THE SEAHORN MOVIEMETER: "C"
P.S. Saw it again, which makes it five times. A little revision:
Good movie, LOUSY "X-MAN" movie.
REVISED SEAHORN MOVIEMETER: (B-)
